I feel things rather intensely and I tend to make snap judgments based on very little information. It can come off as abrasive, but even if I don't have all the information, I can tend to be right about a lot of things (in a formulaic sort of way). I like people. I observe them and I feel like I have a good barometer for people's tendencies. Of course there is always more to a situation than meets the eye...and I am just now learning to sit in the uncertainty instead of going with my snap judgment...even though in the end my snap judgment might be true. I have to force myself to sit in the process to see what else might be there. I skip a lot of lessons in life by always wanting a bottom line.
But as I force myself to sit, I feel like I am deadening a vital part of me. Making snap decisions and moving quickly is what makes me feel alive. I continually want to move on. I have begun to see the benefit of sitting in one place a little longer than I might like, but it is this deadening inside that I do not like. Because sitting in one place is unnatural for me at the moment, I am continually making a cerebral decision and forcing myself to stay. I am choosing to not listen to my instincts. I am putting to death a part of me...a dysfunctional part of me, but a part of me no less. And I feel this deadening of intensity that so often rules my life is deadening the good aspects of my intensity as well. And I don't want that. I am unsure how to be balanced in this. I want to be passionate, but I want to be wise as well. Hmmm, I feel like I have never before seen those two words used in such close proximity to one another. But that is what I want.
How do I do that?
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To be a perfect balance between passionate and wise is to do neither for the sake of doing it - but to do each out of the desire to be more like our maker, who is both passionate beyond measure and wise beyond comprehension.
ReplyDeleteAnd in each, to do them as He so suggests.