The Castle

The concept of being fully known is very strange to me. It is apparently man's deepest desire. Yet, I don't feel I struggle with this very much. I have a few friends who know me VERY well, and I am always trying to know people as well as I can in the time I am given. I feel I deal with this "deep desire all men share" quite well. Better than most even. In fact, knowing people is probably my favorite thing of all. I live for figuring out why a person is quiet in one situation and not in another, why they seem uncomfortable here but not there. What makes them laugh. People fascinate me. I maintain that one reason I don't watch much TV is because I have real life to observe! There are so many types of people and so many ways to do things and things to be passionate about, and I want to understand it all. It's all so much bigger than me. I don't want to miss anything.

But maybe in the midst of trying to know everyone, I AM missing something. Maybe there is a deeper level I have not gotten to. I am sure there is. In fact, I know there is. (Everyone TELLS me there is at least.) There is a good chance that soon I will be embarking on a journey of getting to know one person, very well. And that is new and very uncertain territory for me. Because just as I get to know him, he will be getting to know me. And that's terrifying. That's putting all your eggs in one basket...aren't we advised to NEVER do that? But it appears we must. This whole area of life is completely foreign to me. And in my humble opinion, I have done very well without it thus far. I am sure it helps that I don't really know what I am missing out on. There are all sorts of concerns, fears, apprehensions...and it goes both ways. I want this to work, what if I find out about something I don't like about him?? Ha, but this is the way it goes, so I'm told. And I can't just avoid it forever.

It is time for the castle that is me, that I have spent twenty two years painstakingly building, to get to know its neighbors...that apparently want to get to know me too.

Wish me luck.